On the occasion of my father's 10th Yartzheit - I'd like to mention something in the Parsha that resonates with a personality trait I saw in my father, Yehuda Chaim ben Yehoshua haLevi, of blessed memory.

When Avraham Avinu approaches the beni cheis to acquire maaras hamachpela for a burial plot for his beloved wife, it takes quite some time for him to achieve his goal. It seems at first he was completely successful, as the immediate response he received was 'Please, bury her wherever you want! No one will prevent you from burying her anywehre you wish!'
However, Avraham wasn't content that Sarah's resting place should be in someone else's field. Rather, he wanted both the plot and the land to be a nachala forever for him and his offspring. Additionally, the cave of machpela is a physical place with significant kabbalastic importance - and as such, it was crucial to Avraham, that the entire area belong entirely to him, in order to accomplish the ends he felt necessary for it to be the final resting place of Sarah, and indeed all of the avos. (except Rachel, I know. Please don't interrupt)

Therefore, Avraham painstakingly, step by step, and with tremendous perseverance, extracted permission to buy the field -and the cave- and than acquired it at great cost, to insure there would be no dispute to whom it belongs. In doing so, he progressed methodically, asking first for a place to bury Sarah, then the chance to discuss it with Efron, then the Cave, then the field. At each juncture, two things happened. One, the Torah says, the players used the language over and again of "Listen...".
First it's Avraham - 'Listen, I'd like to bury Sarah," Then the bnei cheis say "Listen, it's cool - go for it anywhere, then he counters with "yeah, listen - uh - get me Efron." And the Efron says , "Listen..." etc...
Second of all, at every juncture, at every little 'victory' along the way, the Torah says Avraham bowed down. וַיָּ֧קׇם אַבְרָהָ֛ם וַיִּשְׁתַּ֥חוּ לְעַם־הָאָ֖רֶץ לִבְנֵי־חֵֽת׃

The middos I noticed that were involved here:

• The foresight to see how to approach the situation in order to maximize the desired outcome.
• The patience and persistence to not give up
• The ability to actually listen, and hear what people are REALLY saying, and filter through the noise, and determine what people really mean.
• The humility to bow down to someone else, let them feel they're worthwhile, to not be haughty and full of yourself. (and really acknowledging it's all from Hashem and that He is in control and giving you what you need, not directly connected to the efforts you're actually making)
• And finally, the ability to see every step in the process as another stage toward the goal, and be THANKFUL, understanding how each step fits into the bigger picture.

My father A"H displayed tremendous humility - loving to serve almost anyone in need. He was a master listener, able to discern quickly what the other was thinking and feeling, and used that ability to make the lives of the people around him richer and fuller. And he was always thankful. Ask him how he's doing and the answer was ALWAYS "Baruch Hashem". Every time.

A talmid of Avraham Avinu, Dad taught us how to see the little steps as part of the big picture, and how to patiently and persistently work to accomplish whatever the real goal needed.
May his memory be for a blessing.

To donate to our hachnsas kallah fund in memory of Yehuda Chaim ben Yehoshua haLevi Z"L